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just scrape it off

All my life I’ve heard “Just scrape it off” whenever a restaurant screwed up my very clearly specified order. Mayo and cheese were the biggest offenders. Then there was “Pick it off,” in the case of sausage or pepperoni on the communal pizza. I pretty much always refused, preferring to go hungry. And today I feel a sense of vindication for all those years of seeming like a prissy bitch. Vindication and nausea.

Tonight we ordered pizza, a build-your-own affair from Hammy’s, where you choose your base and toppings and you get the perfect little personal pizza. Well, I forgot one major piece of information when placing my order: NO CHEESE. I forgot the cheese comes standard. So after getting all excited about pizza I didn’t have to make, we were face to face with a mozzarella mess.

In a practical sense, it was a “damage done” situation, so I wouldn’t feel guilty eating the cheese. But after years of not ingesting even the teensiest bit o’ dairy, I figured it would make us both sick. Then again, to toss the pizza seemed stupid and wasteful, so we spent way too much time armed with forks, pulling off bits of already solidified cheese. Gross, yeah, and it didn’t erase the cheesy oils that had already baked into the crust.

So now we’re a little queasy and I feel like a total idiot. Psychological or not, we both feel like crap, even with the aid of our friend ginger ale. I guess there’s one mistake we’re pretty much guaranteed to never make again.


5 thoughts on “just scrape it off

  1. What a huge hassle!! Glad you’ll send it back next time–why pay for their mistake? You deserve to eat what you ordered!

    When I order these days, I always tell them I have an allergy to whatever it is. Restaurants NEVER refuse to accommodate an allergy, because they know serious allergies can cause death–and they do NOT want a lawsuit! It’s just so much easier, too, than explaining all my dietary restrictions.

  2. Nope, this one was 100% my fault. These guys have actually never screwed up my order.

    We’re usually super careful, between the vegan aspect and Tom’s nut allergy–where he really could die–and here in Portland we’ve not had any issues aside from a language barrier situation once. But once in a year ain’t too bad.

    • we don’t talk to our neighbors. they decorate for the holidays. and i figured it was punishment that we had to attempt to fix the pizza then eat the result. kind of like rubbing our own noses into it.

      i can’t count the number of times i’ve said something like “no cheese,” only to find they wrote it down/entered it as “extra cheese.”

  3. p.s.

    back in the chicago daze, trey and i ordered a pizza with extra sauce and got extra sausage. they brought us a replacement. with extra sausage.

    chase and ron ate well.

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