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ComfyMoFo

Yeah, I’ve got some catch-up to do. I returned home from Chicago to a totaled car (we’re now a one-car, two-bike family), followed by one of the worst migraines I’ve had in a long, long time. Seriously, so bad that the sound of the squirrels running across my roof, which I normally think is the cutest friggin’ sound ever, had me convinced they knew I could feel every step deep in the folds of my brain and were doing it on purpose. (Squirrels, I’m sorry for all the awful things I said about you and your mothers.)

So I haven’t been doing much cooking (time and energy) or even going out to eat (money). I have been either running around or rooted in bed, either craving comforty snacks or shoving them down my throat, hoping they’ll stay down. I wish I were the type to reach for the fruit and veg to blend up that perfect pick-me-up, but I’m not. I drink coffee. I eat chocolate. I will try to bread and fry pretty much anything. I’m now going to share with you—don’t ask me why—some of my favorite crappy, comforty, guilty-pleasure junk food.

Fried onions. Can’t think of a better place to start. Nothing could embarrass me more than being witnessed eating these, straight out of the can. You can feel how gross they are by the greasy residue on your fingers. You can’t lick that off—it’s disgusting. And I cannot explain why that same grease is fine when it’s trapped in those crispy little onion strings. Why are these things wasted on casseroles? They can ruin you just fine on their own.

Popcorn with Earth Balance, salt & chocolate chips. I proudly make my popcorn in a pot. That’s where the pride ends, because then I melt Earth Balance and add salt and semi-sweets. It is possibly the messiest food I eat, almost always getting chocolate on my shirt. But the best part? The melty chocolate and EB left on the bottom of the bowl.

Saifun. It’s like eating fried nothing. When you just need fried, saifun’s your guy. Tom gives me a judgey look whenever I eat this, but he knows how dangerous it is to say it out loud when I’m in the kind of mood that brings me to a bowl of salted fried nothing.

Chocolate chip pancakes. I don’t even bother with measurements anymore. When I’m making pancakes for real, I use Isa’s VWAV recipe, but when I don’t care and it’s just for a less-than me, I eyeball the ingredients and then load as many chocolate chips as possible. Then I eat them with my hands. Come to think of it, everything I’m listing here is eaten with my fingers. Silverware is just too dignified for this sort of wallowy behavior.

Garlic bread. Garlic and oil and salt and starch. Boom, comfort. I’m not even embarrassed by this one. I think if you’ve got a problem with garlic bread then maybe I’ve got a problem with you. Let’s tango.

 

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9 thoughts on “ComfyMoFo

  1. Oh this is the best post EVER! I’m all about comfort food (Obviously – ha!) and when migraines, or other yuckiness strikes, have been known to eat some really bizarre things because it makes ME feel better.
    Never apologize, sometimes stuff like this is absolutely necessary!
    Peanut butter from a spoon with as many chocolate chips as I can cram on…
    Salt and Vinegar potato chips crumbled on chocolate ice cream…
    Tings (the vegan version of Cheetohs) crumbled in tomato soup until the soup is a solid mass of soggy-ness…
    Popcorn with peanut butter and cayenne…

  2. I second the fried onions. Popcorn & chocolate chips sounds brilliant; I’ve been known to toss potato chips with chocolate chips, or to dip potato chips in chocolate icing.

    • I feel a lot less alone. I once got fried onions at Ikea and ate them on the way home, making the mistake of realizing I’d just had, like, 50 grams of fat. I threw up once I got home…and while it could have been physical, it was probably psychological.

  3. For me, it’s two main things: Toasted sourdough bread with Earth Balance – and Ramen. Those are my absolute go-tos when I want comfort food. Just thinking about them is making me happy. Sorry you’ve had a crap time recently.

    • I’m loving the new embrace of ramen. I’m all for fancying it up, but plain ol’ salty noodles do just fine by themselves.

      And thanks — strikes and gutters, man, strikes and gutters.

  4. No doubt you’re my girl. Everyone talks about my comfort foods. These are very basic things in the life of migraines. Vegan or not, we must find our salvation.

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